Today is the birthday of someone very special – Marie. Marie was like a mum to me; she was one of my other mothers (herself and Claire) and looked out for me when my own mum was unwell for many years and that’s something I will never forget, but in 2014, she tragically, unexpectedly passed away. I have never been able to get over the grief of her passing and 12 years later it still has a huge effect on me. And today is her birthday… so a special day.
Sara Bareilles’ new album Good Grief speaks to me on a deep level, the songs confronting my trauma and grief and I feel the song ‘Forever’ perfectly helps me heal on a day like today:
“Don’t you cry, I’m already home
There’s not one mile in this life you’ll walk alone
And if you need me and we’re not together
Close your eyes to see me better”
And from ‘Just a Kid’ the line “You did not have to ask me to remember your laugh” sums up my best memories of Marie. And there are so many more lines from the album I relate to relating grief and more.
Not only is this album beautiful, but so incredibly healing.
But that’s not the main reason why I raised this album. I made an observation when recalling memories of Marie with my wife earlier this week and the link I made was so cathartic for me. When I was younger, I used to get bullied, and Marie was the one I would talk to about it mostly; we’d message and she’d send me advice and ‘fuck you’s (or gentler to my 14 y/o self), and I recall there was a time that, when I was sad she would send me the song ‘Brave’ by Sara Bareilles as a ‘fuck you’ to the bullies and also a confidence boost; I really struggled with my confidence, in fact I struggled with a deep self hatred and ironically, a year after when she passed was when I had my first girlfriend and came out to someone for the the first time, and I think were she still here, I would have come out a lot earlier – this being relevant due to the subject matter of ‘Brave’. Subject matter aside, the really cathartic thing I recalled was the fact that it was Marie that truly made me the fan of Sara Bareilles I am today. I did love her from her ‘Love Song’ days and had sporadically listened to singles since, but was not a mega-fan until I was introduced to Brave and it was in the days of The Blessed Unrest where I fell in love with my biggest inspiration. Now, Sara writes about grief and those songs about grief I relate so much to Marie and my loss of her and even the past few days since the album’s been out it’s been a huge coping mechanism, and ironically, it was released just days away from her birthday; it’s like it was meant to be – some magic sign from above linking the two. I wouldn’t have Sara without Marie but wouldn’t feel as close to Marie without Sara.
Music is so powerful and conjures up such emotion – from literally closing my eyes and Marie being there to being able to hear her laugh as indicated by the aformentioned lyrics the emotion the songs make me feel is second to none in rememberance alone.
But today, I want to end on remembering the incredible Marie – she was my role model, her smile haunts me in a way I cannot put into words (yes, positively) and she never stopped looking after us all, no matter what. I was lucky to know her. Happy heavenly birthday to the biggest ray of sunshine anyone could ever know, happy heavenly birthday Marie. I love and miss you so very dearly x
@holaurgraphic 
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